Man, I can't believe it is week 4 of being home. Let me say that every day I learn so much about myself that I've never realized before. It's amazing what can happen when you are alone with your thoughts! Sometimes it's good, but sometimes, it is something that shouldn't be allowed. For a while now, I have really had a hard time with my appearance and accepting me for who God created me to be. Along with that thought came some really apparent truths that I've learned in MANY different ways. One thing I learned is that even though being a woman is hard in a world where everything is based on looks, the Lord still cares about those things and will help when called upon. I have spent so much time in such intense prayer begging to be freed from thoughts of incompetence and jealousy. The crazy thing is that I knew I had a problem, but thought that nobody really would care to hear my "drama". So I just took it before the Lord. I am so glad now that He didn't just save me from this overnight. It has been a healing process that now I can see all of the pieces and how they fit together. There are too many pieces to mention, but I know for a fact that HE had His fingerprints all over it!
This had obviously caused a rift in my relationship and boy am I sorry I let it get so far. Everything is okay and I am not worried, but it's tough. I am so thankful for a husband who is so loving, kind, considerate, forgiving, full of grace....etc! I was driving today and thinking about how marriage should reflect out relationship with the Lord. My man is everything to me that Jesus is! Of course Jesus comes first, but he is important too. I shocked myself and asked, "Why have I overlooked all of these things? Why did I let Satan fool me into thinking so differently?" I am so undeserving of God's love yet He lavishes me with love daily. Guess what? So does my hubby! I rejoice at this thought, because it has helped me with the healing soooo much. I NEVER want this feeling of not being good enough for my husband especially, and others too!!! I love my husband far more than anyone can see or know. I also love the Lord far more than any other! I am gald that one of the pieces included my man because it helped reassure that I am worthy of his love and adoration!
I am reminded through this that God is exactly the same way, and more. For a long time I have felt that I must "earn" the Lord's love too. When I sin, I feel so ashamed and guilty that I run away from God instead of seeking immediate forgiveness. Not anymoer! If my human husband can offer it, then why would God EVER go back on His word and not honor that promise as well? Even though I never thought I'd get over this whole mental mess, I am thankful for the Lord's power to do 2 things at once in 2 different realms- spiritual and earthly. Praise God!
"...Who can forgive sins but God alone?" Luke 5:21
"...Forgive and you will be forgiven" Luke 6:37
"...Let us love one another, for love is from God..." 1 John 4:7
Monday, September 14, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
The Wife of Noble Character
Well Week #1 of being a full-time mom is almost over! The kids have done well with getting up, getting ready, and getting out the door.....and on time I might add! Its definitely been something to get used to, but overall EXCELLENT! In order to make sure we're not rushing out the door, and I am not wasting time getting ready later in the day, I have been waking up around 5:30am every morning.
You might be thinking, "Why torture yourself?"
It is usually the mother that sets the tone for the entire household. I see it in real life, movies, TV shows, and sometimes even hear it in music. There's even the saying, "If mom's not happy, no one is!" Well, I've been thinking, its not really torture anymore to be up that early. I have realized that I need this quiet time to wake-up and start my day with the one and only....G-O-D! I need this like some need coffee and I look forward to it every morning. My day is just not the same without Him at the start of it! He makes my day and it helps me make the kids' day! I find myself wanting to be the wife and mother that is devoted to her family. One that makes sure they have what they need every day. One that makes sure that when they leave in the morning it is on a good note. One that, most of all, has the light of Christ shining in me as the sun shines for us every day. When my children, or husband, looks back on life, I want them to remember me as being there for them in EVERY way. I cannot be this kind of mother and wife alone. Oh no! It is only with Christ that I can be this person! For the sake of my home, my husband, and my kids I must stay focused on the Lord to be the best I can be in order to set a positive tone for my household. For without Him I can be led astray and my thoughts, fears, insecurities, and upsets can get the best of me.
May my family benefit from this commitment I try so hard to keep!
"A wife of noble character, who can find?..........She gets up while it is still dark. She provides food for her family.........She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.........Her children arise and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praises her.........but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised!"
Proverbs 31:10-31
THIS IS WHO I WANT TO BE.....
You might be thinking, "Why torture yourself?"
It is usually the mother that sets the tone for the entire household. I see it in real life, movies, TV shows, and sometimes even hear it in music. There's even the saying, "If mom's not happy, no one is!" Well, I've been thinking, its not really torture anymore to be up that early. I have realized that I need this quiet time to wake-up and start my day with the one and only....G-O-D! I need this like some need coffee and I look forward to it every morning. My day is just not the same without Him at the start of it! He makes my day and it helps me make the kids' day! I find myself wanting to be the wife and mother that is devoted to her family. One that makes sure they have what they need every day. One that makes sure that when they leave in the morning it is on a good note. One that, most of all, has the light of Christ shining in me as the sun shines for us every day. When my children, or husband, looks back on life, I want them to remember me as being there for them in EVERY way. I cannot be this kind of mother and wife alone. Oh no! It is only with Christ that I can be this person! For the sake of my home, my husband, and my kids I must stay focused on the Lord to be the best I can be in order to set a positive tone for my household. For without Him I can be led astray and my thoughts, fears, insecurities, and upsets can get the best of me.
May my family benefit from this commitment I try so hard to keep!
"A wife of noble character, who can find?..........She gets up while it is still dark. She provides food for her family.........She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.........Her children arise and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praises her.........but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised!"
Proverbs 31:10-31
THIS IS WHO I WANT TO BE.....
Sunday, August 23, 2009
He Carried ME!
I sit here and tears fill my eyes as I think about my children starting school tomorrow! I have one going into 1st grade and one going into Kindergarten. These first school years are tough on a mom! This is where it shows how well you have raised your kids the first 5 years, and what needs to be done to keep them on the right path.
I have found myself reflecting on the past 6 years of my life. So much has happened that there isn't enough blog space to write it all out! During one of my many moments of going through the past I had a flash of myself being carried by someone as if it were all in fast forward! I really feel like the Lord gave me this vision to show that He was always there even when I couldn't, or didn't want to, see Him. In the Bible, the book of Esther carries that same message! Nowhere is God mentioned, yet his fingerprints are over EVERYTHING in it! How special I feel knowing that thousands of years ago he cared just as much for those people as He does for me today! Even though the past 6 years had its peaks and valleys, He carried me through it all and left his fingerprints all over every minute and every huge situation I encountered. He wept with me, laughed with me, rejoiced with me, and embraced me! The awesome thing is that He NEVER stops doing those things!
Like the song says, "God is good all the time! He put a song of praise in this heart of mine!"
So how does this relate to my kids going to school? Well, He's carried me this far, why would He put me down and just walk away? He will do the same for my children as they continue to grow and learn. That is encouraging to me as a mom who doesn't want them to go or do anything without me because I love them so much! He will be with me tomorrow as I drop them off and all day long reminding me not to worry because He loves them more than I ever could!
I have found myself reflecting on the past 6 years of my life. So much has happened that there isn't enough blog space to write it all out! During one of my many moments of going through the past I had a flash of myself being carried by someone as if it were all in fast forward! I really feel like the Lord gave me this vision to show that He was always there even when I couldn't, or didn't want to, see Him. In the Bible, the book of Esther carries that same message! Nowhere is God mentioned, yet his fingerprints are over EVERYTHING in it! How special I feel knowing that thousands of years ago he cared just as much for those people as He does for me today! Even though the past 6 years had its peaks and valleys, He carried me through it all and left his fingerprints all over every minute and every huge situation I encountered. He wept with me, laughed with me, rejoiced with me, and embraced me! The awesome thing is that He NEVER stops doing those things!
Like the song says, "God is good all the time! He put a song of praise in this heart of mine!"
So how does this relate to my kids going to school? Well, He's carried me this far, why would He put me down and just walk away? He will do the same for my children as they continue to grow and learn. That is encouraging to me as a mom who doesn't want them to go or do anything without me because I love them so much! He will be with me tomorrow as I drop them off and all day long reminding me not to worry because He loves them more than I ever could!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Things I've Learned...
Well, I braved it and went to school today to see some friends! I miss the excitement of a fresh start for the school year and the friendships! I must admit that I hate that the world goes on without me too! Visiting wasn't as bad as I thought. The conversation was good and everyone I ran into was so excited to see me.
That aside, I have come to the realization that I have not stopped "working". Being a full-time mom is tough business. I have had to learn how to create structure, be consistent in discipline, develop patience, endure tattling, fighting, teasing, etc... I can say that I am still not the best mom I know I could be, but with the help of Jesus "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!" Phil 4:13 When I am in the heat of daily business and all flows well, I am so thankful to be a mom of 3 beautiful children. When things are not going how I had hoped or planned, I am anxious and tempted to be irritable. It is not the kids' fault sometimes for their actions. After all, they're just kids right? Yes! And I have to remind myself of that!
The other day, our morning started out a mess. Kids were crabby, Mom was crabby, everyone was losing it. The Lord laid it on my heart at that moment that I had not come to Him for help! So, calmly and gently I sent the kids to bed and prayed begging for God's intervention!
Guess what?..... It worked!!! It just goes to show that He will never leave us or forsake us! (Hebrews 13:5b)
Simple truths revealed everyday in the life of a regular day-to-day mom trying to figure it all out!
That aside, I have come to the realization that I have not stopped "working". Being a full-time mom is tough business. I have had to learn how to create structure, be consistent in discipline, develop patience, endure tattling, fighting, teasing, etc... I can say that I am still not the best mom I know I could be, but with the help of Jesus "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!" Phil 4:13 When I am in the heat of daily business and all flows well, I am so thankful to be a mom of 3 beautiful children. When things are not going how I had hoped or planned, I am anxious and tempted to be irritable. It is not the kids' fault sometimes for their actions. After all, they're just kids right? Yes! And I have to remind myself of that!
The other day, our morning started out a mess. Kids were crabby, Mom was crabby, everyone was losing it. The Lord laid it on my heart at that moment that I had not come to Him for help! So, calmly and gently I sent the kids to bed and prayed begging for God's intervention!
Guess what?..... It worked!!! It just goes to show that He will never leave us or forsake us! (Hebrews 13:5b)
Simple truths revealed everyday in the life of a regular day-to-day mom trying to figure it all out!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Intro
Well, I have decided to journal about something that has already been a huge change for me. God is working in my life ever so clearly and I wanted to share, and see for myself, exactly what he's doing from day-to-day. I have been doing what I love for many years now: teaching. I was laid off from teaching by man, but given a challenge by God. I prayed and prayed, and argued, for God's will as far as going back to work. He made it VERY clear when I said to Him one day, "Lord, if I am meant to stay home and be with the kids, lay me off with an actual notice!" I didn't know at the time that He had already determined I was getting one. Then, to be more clear (as if God needed it), I told the Lord, "And let my husband think it a wise decision as well." WOW! So the hubby comes home from work and says, "If you get laid off, I don't think you should go back to work." Okay! God does give such clarity! I was ready and excited to make the change not knowing that my heart would feel torn and confused at the same time. As school is about to resume, I am feeling this uncertainty again. Have I made the wrong decision? What will happen now? Will I be a good enough mom and wife?
God is already saying, "Be still and know that I am God...."
Psalm 46:10
God is already saying, "Be still and know that I am God...."
Psalm 46:10
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)