Lessons Learned

Man, I can't believe it is week 4 of being home. Let me say that every day I learn so much about myself that I've never realized before. It's amazing what can happen when you are alone with your thoughts! Sometimes it's good, but sometimes, it is something that shouldn't be allowed. For a while now, I have really had a hard time with my appearance and accepting me for who God created me to be. Along with that thought came some really apparent truths that I've learned in MANY different ways. One thing I learned is that even though being a woman is hard in a world where everything is based on looks, the Lord still cares about those things and will help when called upon. I have spent so much time in such intense prayer begging to be freed from thoughts of incompetence and jealousy. The crazy thing is that I knew I had a problem, but thought that nobody really would care to hear my "drama". So I just took it before the Lord. I am so glad now that He didn't just save me from this overnight. It has been a healing process that now I can see all of the pieces and how they fit together. There are too many pieces to mention, but I know for a fact that HE had His fingerprints all over it!

This had obviously caused a rift in my relationship and boy am I sorry I let it get so far. Everything is okay and I am not worried, but it's tough. I am so thankful for a husband who is so loving, kind, considerate, forgiving, full of grace....etc! I was driving today and thinking about how marriage should reflect out relationship with the Lord. My man is everything to me that Jesus is! Of course Jesus comes first, but he is important too. I shocked myself and asked, "Why have I overlooked all of these things? Why did I let Satan fool me into thinking so differently?" I am so undeserving of God's love yet He lavishes me with love daily. Guess what? So does my hubby! I rejoice at this thought, because it has helped me with the healing soooo much. I NEVER want this feeling of not being good enough for my husband especially, and others too!!! I love my husband far more than anyone can see or know. I also love the Lord far more than any other! I am gald that one of the pieces included my man because it helped reassure that I am worthy of his love and adoration!

I am reminded through this that God is exactly the same way, and more. For a long time I have felt that I must "earn" the Lord's love too. When I sin, I feel so ashamed and guilty that I run away from God instead of seeking immediate forgiveness. Not anymoer! If my human husband can offer it, then why would God EVER go back on His word and not honor that promise as well? Even though I never thought I'd get over this whole mental mess, I am thankful for the Lord's power to do 2 things at once in 2 different realms- spiritual and earthly. Praise God!

"...Who can forgive sins but God alone?" Luke 5:21
"...Forgive and you will be forgiven" Luke 6:37
"...Let us love one another, for love is from God..." 1 John 4:7